DIRTY LAUNDRY :: 2010

I have forgotten what you meant to me
You are stripped from my vocabulary
Your name will never cross my lips again
I made that covenant deep inside of me
I just took you outta my life
Just like a bag of fucking dirty laundry

Your attention was a pariah
Sucking the very life from me
Distorting my values
And undermining my integrity
I let you come back too many times
And get the best of me
Falling back into your arms
Was like falling into a world of anxiety

I don't think you’re a good person
I think you’re driven by selfish intent
Your life carries a dark cloud
That now hangs over every moment we spent
This love was one that I imagined
This bond something I somehow dreamt
Now your actions are so transparent
An angry fool can now see what they meant

The names I had for you
Will never be spoken
Because they were voiced
Out of love for your attention
This time you have severed
What ever held me back
It's now a floodgate opened
To fuck up your need for retention

A kiss would be dismal
A fuck would be certifiably insane
To smell you on my skin
As foul as the stench
From that street drain
I just walked over
And walked away
From your existence
Who you are
Is no longer relevant
And has no remaining interest

OUT OF THE GREY /

Richie /


For each year a moisturizer attempts to smooth over
I still come out of each tragedy feelin’ older
Shattered intimacy isn’t pretty
But experience shapes my creativity
Holy fuck I come back like a crusading soldier
And with age, I only grow motherfuckin’ bolder

Modern day renaissance man
I feel more than I think I understand
But give me a little pause -
Got back my hand
Now I’m snatching back my balls.
I feel in my clandestine sainthood
Like making the bible look weak
Because there is pure clarity
In every fucking word I speak.

We are out of the grey,
The moment you say you said you loved me
You wished a chance for ambiguity
Completely away.
And now your genie
He ain’t coming back
So you can make another wish,
Your heart just opened Pandora’s box
And with it comes the chance
For a hit or miss or some unexpected bliss.

They call this romance
Traumatic
Dark-tinged
Intense on the dramatic.
Interspersed
With raw affection,
Coupled
With irreconcilable erections.
For each negative moment
It takes a spiraling direction,
But fighting for those real good moments
Is what gives it protection.

Chameleon.

Richie/

I am a chameleon
I am constantly changing
Who I am
It's never forced
It's just rapid evolution
For a self-made man

Heartbreak is a catalyst
It gives me strength
In a fractured kiss
It gives me hope
When devastation
And love manage to co-exist
Life is more interesting
When not in perpetual bliss
This changes the landscape
So I can re-focus

I am as uncomfortable
With my acceptance of change
As I am perplexed
With my willingness to suffer pain

How can love undergo
Such a radical transmutation
I feel the emotions
But I do not feel their permeatation

Some fibers hold on
And bind simple elements
Of companionship and sensuality
This love, I refuse,
To ever be ordinary
Or if it does, I create its finality

For me, intimacy
Exists more in the words
We have used to define this
I wish I had
Learned this from you sooner
Because now I bite your broken kiss

Hands clawing for you body
And open to your penetration
While at the same time
Shut down
Choosing only to feel than face consternation

This time I will not fight
Because my aggression pushes us apart
No, this time I open my fists
And I passively hold hope in my heart

Attraction that mysteriously binds us
And has a way of confounding our hearts
May still be too young to stand
That's why we play to get smart

Clandestine.

Richie/

For this to be so open
Why do I feel like
I am hidden in your cupboard
Feels like this love
Is clandestine
And exists in only
Our private words

Why do paths
Not cross
Like dances
Intermingle
Why is your society
Making me
Feel so
Single

When do we share
A stage
Like a phenomena
Made real
Do I look to
A miracle
As time passes
And I question
What we feel

Logical examinations
Only seem to confuse me
Tainted emotions
Only make me feel like
You abuse me

That this door will shut
And love will
Be broken
And harder I will fall
This insecurity comes
From the mystery
Of lives never
Overlapping
And the sense we stalled

Progress feels so
Tenuous
And I want you
To ache
To burn
For me
Like a fire that
Could never be
Extinguished
And yet I feel
You're so willing
To let go of me

Second time was sweeter
How come
The end feels much bleeker
I wish you'd
Kill my frustrations
And call me a keeper
I need some integration
Or this romance
Feels like a sleeper
And as you may feel closer
I grow suspect
And this bond
Becomes weaker

I want a Facebook status
That shows I am not
A hidden update
I want language
More respectful
Of intimacy
Than I am the guy
You date

I am substantial
I am more in this equation
I am not clandestine
I am not a figment
Of our imagination

Virtuous Slut

Richie/


Talking in circles
Like buzzards
Buzzing on my
Motherfucking
Head
Your voice
Is lingering
Like
A manly scent
In my
Sweat soaked
Bed

In front of me
Is
Something
Unattainable
It’s fun
But
It’s
Not logically
Explainable

A.D.D.
Like
M.P.D.
Schizo
Is oh!
My
State
Of Lothario
I
Can
Play along
But I dunno
Where
We go
So
I play
Sabotage
By thinking
Like
A
Motherfucking
Ho

Dude,
This
Stick
Needs
To be grabbed
And
Walked
Around the
Block
I
Need
Transferred
Energy
Like
A wake up
Call
From
A vocal
Alarm clock

Lust
Should
Drip
Like an intravaneous
Fluid
You
Had my heart
But now
You stand
To lose it
Desire
Needs
To beat
Beat
Beat me
Off
Your
Face
Needs
To surrender
To my explosion
Like a
Cleaning cloth
I
Look at the love
And i
Wonder
What happened
To the
Hell we wrought
Intimacy
Grabbed
A hold
Of my devil
And cut
Off
His
Pulsing
Cock

The eyes
They wander
The ears
They listen
And
The lips
They want
To be heard
Time
Is
Never a factor
Can
Be a fucking
Disaster
If
Not curbed

Love me
But
Bite me
Hurt me
Make
Me scream
Passionify
My
State
Like a drug
Induced
Dream
I didn’t
Invest
This
Much
To
Go
So clean
Stoke
The
Fire
And
Fan the flame
I
Need
Some
Steam
steam

Perspective

Richie/


throw
this
caged animal
some
raw meat
i
have
been
in captivity
n need
to fuckin
eat
dust
yourself
off
throw
me some
heat
i have
been
a martyr
but
now
i want
a treat

humiliation
has
tainted
what
innocence
you
let me
reclaim
broken
vision
i
don’t
see
things
the
same
i
was
too
pure
while
you
were
enjoying
the game
last
night
i got
my balls
back
with
my
individual
name

perspective
shifts
in the
wind
i
changed
this
time
within
was
like
clouds
parted
and
lights
began
to dim
what
was love
was
burning
to
an
end

fan
the
flames
if you
choose
to
i am
not
afraid
to
lose
you
i
don’t
chase
because
i
choose
not
to
i deserve
clarity
not
to confuse
you

and the
language
sets
the tone
and the
actions
break
the
throne
i let
you sit
on
and hold
my heart
‘so fun’
my
willingness
to
submit
and
suppress
shows
this
is
wrong

he
either
recognizes
what
he had
or
he
doesn't.

the end.

Lil Man

Richie/
For Vic

there is
painful
beauty
in all of this
uncertainty
your
mark
is
fresh
like
my
stolen
virginity
you
manage
to
touch
every
protected
part of
me
each
second
that
i have
ripped
from me
reminds
me of
the future
i want
in front
of me

never
have
i ever
wanted to
be broken
so
independent
i have
been
a flirtation
a token
but
now
i want to
hear
something
anything
from you
spoken
i only
need
you to
convey
u know
the seriousness
of this
heart
you are
holding

pale
blue eyes
they
are the
windows
to my soul...
i know
you look
into them
and
know
everything
there
is
to know

lil
man,
your presence
drops
a halo
over my
face

lil
man,
your accent
takes
me
to
a happier
place

like
even now
i hunger
even
in my pain
to
know
you
more

like
i have
no
strength
to truly
shut
this door

so
i keep
it open
so you
can
walk
right
in
i want
you
on your
own
not
my
ultimatum