hang.

Dedicated to a spell being broken.
(richie)


i was up for the challenge
because intuition motivated
my persevering tongue
but now months later
i have barely climbed this ladder
hangin’ on the bottom rung
and i see you lack
the intrigue
the mystery
to know me
and i see you lack
the respect
to treat me
like you do
somebody
i am a cancellation ticket
an uneasy ‘yes’
to hang
turnin’ into a maybe
i am shot up
riddled with bullets
and i crawled back to you
like a lil baby


i wanted you
to know me
like i wanted
to hang onto
your every word
i wanted you
to feel like
my attention
was something
well served
i threw you
a straight line
you threw
me a curve
i don’t have
the heart
to chase this
with verve

i think
i felt hung
out to dry
i think
i wasted
time
questioning why
when
i should
let
sleepin dogs
lie
lie
lie

realization
trickled
like warm
blood
as i looked
upward
from
a pool
of mud
scopin
the face
of the one
who shoved
the one
who i wanted
to give my
love

ha!
incredible
to fall
like this
to not have
even grasped
a single
kiss
was pure
mental
static bliss
emotively
potent
obsessively
amiss
i hung myself
out to dry
for this
for this?

ha!
i have
men
intelligent
and
fine
as hell
they scope
so hard
beggin
to ring
my bell
there is
no drama
no angst
to foretell
they ask me
out
and i say
well....
cool, sounds good
lets hit
the batting cage
effortless
is the attraction
and that
confounds the
paid wage
i thought
a challenge
was a quest
for affection
but now
i see
i needed
some retrospection
because
love is
free
to give
and effortless
to let go of
with someone
you want
to
hang with

self involved: context.

maybe this is something i wrote more for me to relate to...
unlike most of what i write... is more about me wanting others to relate to me. to feel me.
the concept behind self-involved is simple.
i saw the words in my head...
and it was like the pure alphabetic architecture behind them made me rethink what they meant and could stand for...
the positively powerful stance they could own on describing one’s life.

maybe it’s being past the twenties.
the passing of time and the wealth of experiences...
maybe it is appreciating 2008 as one of the happiest years of my adulthood...
i have gone through selfish moments, where pride wrought destruction...
i have been selfless and lost my self...
but now i feel self-involved...
as if i am actively engaged with myself...
my thoughts are my own...
and i am at peace with their solidarity...
and i am embracing it...
mom always said ‘i am fiercely and wonderfully made.’
i think it came from the bible.
dunno.
but there is something about this moment...
where i feel like because i know me...
that i have no apologies for who i am now...
but rather find my ‘changes’ and growth interesting...
that this new sense of confidence and peace actually seems to be bringing an abundance of good stuff my way...

self involved.

( Richie )

I can see that they are walking down the street
with eyes scanning in modest defeat
for someone to hold onto like their favorite sweet
they are so hungry and have nothing to eat
their eyes can lock for a second before crashing down to their feet
and i find this narrative, in observation, to be so bittersweet

maybe i am
a bit
self
involved
but
i
am not selfish
and i am not unkind
maybe i am
a bit
self
involved
but
i can
walk a street
knowing and loving
what is mine


It’s growing dark outside and in my coffee shop
i allow my meditations to stir and then stop
this is like the moment cinderella’s slipper drops
but instead she holds onto everything she’d caught
these are the musings as i look at all i have got
an abundance of happiness in every precious thought
that life has pushed me to what i have, and not what i have not

maybe i am
a bit
self
involved
but
i
am not selfish
and i am not unkind
maybe i am
a bit
self
involved
but
i can
sit alone
and thank the passings
of time