variété

Richie/


he says why change it up
cuz i enjoy it
variety is the spice of life
vanilla destroys it

head in
is an accomplishment
public sinnin’
in an arrondissement

weeks
to
get
accustomed
to this position
i
just
succumbed
to a new
religion
daily
devotions
on your
yeah
yeah
i
want
you
anytime
of
nite
in my
bed
yeah


chili
pepper
hot
to
touch
i
want
to
fuck
i want
to
fuck
so much
grab
a hold
of
it
with
intensity
slide
in
to
your
warm
density
i
want
you
in
i want
you
into
me

horny normalcy
you
perpetrate
my mental
space
i think
about
holdin
out
for
4
solid
days
then
filling
you
up
with
all the
madness
that
made
i
want
to
you
to give
back
what
i just
gave
lay it
out
like
splatter
paint
on
my
face
life is
sweet
as
sweet
as you
taste

i
don’t
want
to get
too comfortable
with this
i
want
something
more
than
a loving
kiss
say
what
you
want
when
you fuck
with me
empty
out
the preconceptions
you
have
around me

blank
wall
draw
some
figures
and shapes
i’ll
feed
you
my...
like some
roman-time
grapes
i
have
a natural
irreverence
for
feeding
you
with
what you
expect
i
will
give you
love
but
i want
you
erect
come
here
come
closer
variety
is
the way
i
love
and protect

UNREFINED AMBITION/CONTEXT/

Richie/

plane rides are like a cocoon for me. almost like a certain ‘muse’ when he is sleeping in bed beside me and i have a laptop in my lap... cohesiveness and clarity come to me, and it’s a free flow of thoughts and words and feelings...

so, i am on the plane, and i find myself grinding my teeth... watching the news on CNN about the court ruling on gay marriage in California... and almost immediately after a commercial for MILK pops up... that movie... that man’s life spoke to me in a transformative way. it still ripples through me... like a reverberation... it has changed how i live.

my socialization... my life is no longer just my own... it is me tapping into my power... into my unique strength and beginning to formulate how i am going to change things... i do not see myself on a Harvey Milk level - yet - but my ambitions, while unrefined, are every bit as big as his.

i realized this last week... when hangin with diego at my rooftop at 4AM... that not everyone goes through life with ambitions. i thought it was absurd that someone could be in their twenties without a career path or plan for life. lol only to learn that i was a bit of a freak in my 20s and just kind of always had some goals... something driving me...

i have known since a kid that my life had a purpose larger than me... i have always known i was unique in different ways... i know the power of my ideas. the power behind language. the power behind my approachability. the power behind my empathy. the power in being able to stand alone. and the power to fight.

i feel like i am standing on a battlefield and everything resonates deeper. i don’t want to just like guys - i want to love and fuck with intensity. i don’t want to just pray - i want to create a new religion. i don’t want to believe what i am fed - i want to co-author a new bible where my people are given the same rights with the same fucking language.

my socialization is not trite. it is, for me, about connecting to people. eclectic. they all bring different energy to the equation and a broader understanding of my community.

i just feel like time is ticking like a time bomb.
and my need to affect change is like a roar now - on a level so heightened that i can no longer ignore it or my fucking power to effect change.

UNREFINED AMBITION/

Richie/

this life is hard
this life is coarse
and unrefined
this life is wild
and abrasive
and it is mine
this reality
is accepted
not as if it is divine
what is, what is
is my spirit
playing with time

i feel it like
an urgency
and it burns
inside of me
it pushes
tears from my eyes
like there
is too much
intensity

i will not
go through the motions
i will
feel things through
i will give
all of myself
and more
to you
my intuition
is my moral compass
and it guides
me to a future
i could not foresee
i see this world
with new eyes
and i ache
to set
my people
free

make me
a legacy
make me
stand for so much more
than what i see
more than
labels
more than
a materiality
reach inside
and pull out
it out of me
it was
latent
but now
it roars
with
ferocity

E.B.B.

Richie/


you have me
pissed
so fucking
angry
i can’t
tell anyone
cuz they’d
think
i was crazy
how
do you
feel
things
so
steady
i
like
darkness
but
this shit
is shady


you ran
so hot
for me
you burnt
my hand
your texts
so intense
i was
already
your man
lesbian
chic
i was
invitin your
ass to move in
way before
we
engaged
in a night
of sin
jus showed
after
talkin
with you
my willingness
to let
you in
and now
i am hazy
where
we pick up
or if
this ends

mental
fuck
ran
so hot
now we
run
so cold
like
gettin
emotional
blue
balls
i
have to
release
then
your
ass
stalls
e.b.b.
and
flow
fuck
this
stop
n
go

love +
lust
shouldn’t
be
a battleground
i
can’t help
i like
gettin’ around
the town
your jealousy
of outside
attention
feels
unsound
when
you were
all i wanted
to get down

e.b.b.
babe’s
pullin back
so afraid
he’ll
have a heart
attack
but
my love isn’t
like usin
hard
crack
i
can be addictive
but not
like that

bored
with
the stop
n
go
these blue
balls
are
so
fuckin emo
it’s
like a fuckin
tease
if
we
r a go
then
step
up
and give
it some
ease

the road to hana.

richie/


for me, the journey to hana was the real pay-off...
the sharp turns, the forced yields, the rawness of the environment almost eclipsed the beauty of hana itself.

it is a unique form of thoughtfulness...for me... when my seriousness or consternation is transformed into something bright... i suck at visually documenting my life... but the older i become... and the more i open myself up to my new friends, to new experiences... the more i want to be a man you’d write about... a man with a legacy and story... the pictures from maui with teri show someone new... the smile is back. the laughter is back. the ‘fuck it’ is back. and there’s light...

i believe that this energy and this confidence will become an attractive force. and that despite my desire to have a hedonistic summer as a realized bachelor... i just know in my gut that is probably going to be unlikely.

i am no longer holding back. i don’t have any walls. i have no fear. absolutely no fear in pulling someone in close. of being intimate. of being willing to take on new roles and experience new things (in bed).

and i think that energy, more than anything i could physically offer someone, is going to be the attractive force that brings my next someone into my life.

i wasn’t ready before. not on all levels.
the heart may have pushed for me to be lovey - but my words, my actions have always kind of said otherwise. this whole year has been a fierce struggle between saying i want to be single and i want to be in a relationship. now i have no qualms saying that a relationship is probably in the cards. it’s my hana. pairing up. but the journey to get to that is the real turn-on.

there is bliss is understanding your purpose. in knowing exactly what you believe and defines you. and then feeling up to the challenge of coming together with someone who complements you - not completes you.

touched by a sinner.

Richie/


his hands
are bloody
from crushin’
other guys’ hearts
his smile
corrupts
the laughter
it likes to spark
but he comes
to me
and moves
against my skin
he acts
angelic
but i know
how this night will end
i prayed
this morning
now
this evening
i’m gettin’ touched by sin

it feels
like
heaven
just came
on my back
white
insanity
marking
me
for a heart attack
i act
so innocent
but i like
to play
like that
aggressor
can be
passé
and unkind
i also break
hearts
and minds
come
fuck
with mine
let me play
a different role
this time

heartbreaker
do your damage
but i heal
too fast
you can touch
my heart
but pain
never lasts
for me
pain is pleasure
pain is creativity
i let you
rape
my emotions
i let
you rage
inside of me
because
sweet
sweet
sugar
is not my taste
i
want to
feel
your liquid heat
across my face

mm mmm
i think
i like
being
taken off my pedestal
and slammed
to the floor
demeaning
bite
into my confidence
i know
what i represent
can you
make me
your whore
let’s
spread
my money
across the sheets
and soak
‘em
in cream
there’s
an endless
reservoir
for us
to stay
unclean

when
you get
a lil stronger
i want
to wrestle
you
and pin
you to the ground
when
you
are sleeping
i want
to
fuck
you
and
for you to
not make
one fucking
sound
mmm mmm

hedonism
extremism
no middle
ground
punch
me
sinner
and
i
will cum
around

proximity to mystery

Richie/

Dedicated to J.T.

there is something unique
in this space between us
so different, for me,
that i have no words
to clearly describe it
it is like a haunting
a spell unbroken
like a hallucination
from absinthe
and i imbibe it

i want
to close
this proximity
and
make you
so close
i don’t dare
to breathe
like
one
impulsive move
could prompt
you
to leave

i
am not rebounding
i am
fascinated
by a stranger
i
am hitchhiking
with no
real sense
of clear & present
danger
my heart
is always
a casualty
i am willing
to put at risk
the anticipation
of knowing
more
is something
i didn’t
know i missed
you are
mysterious
and
an education
in a different
kind of flirtation
because
you
invade
my sleep
you provoke
my daytime
imagination

this
is different
than
lust
or my
typical
heated
crush
you’re
complicated...
you have
dark
histories
tinging
simple
conversations...
and i am
drawn
to that...
your strength
to face demons
invasions...
feels
so chill...
yet
so intense...
makes me
lose
any ounce
of pretense:

i want
to close
this proximity
and
make you
so close
i don’t dare
to breathe
like
one
impulsive move
could prompt
you
to leave

someone better.

Richie/


my heartbeat would speed like i had done too much blow
my oxygen would feel limited, like my throat would close

this butterfly would rage inside like a panic flutter of anxiety
and dark predictions would cloud my mental stability

this attack was born out of insecurity and poor decision-making
i put too much of my happiness into us and it was heart-breaking

the weight of distrust
and an open solution
the trials of lust
and outside pollution
flawed completion
looking past the cracks
realizes those predictions -
this will not last

my eyes would travel and scan the crowd for a flirtation
ADD i liked the absurdity of strangers’ reciprocations

this culture is like a petri dish for growing something unrealistic
always looking for someone better becomes serialistic

a type, a look, a preference, an overwhelming high
clouds the possibility of what’s in front of our eyes


nothing really ends
that i know,
that i know
time may not come now
but so?
so?
i see who
is in front of me this time
and i have no rush
to call you mine
we’ll do
what we do
until you see
what is here too

hustle.

richie/

cum on a money strewn bed
dollar signs
like lightbulbs
goin off
gettin off
over our heads

blurring lines between
friends and transactions
fucking with definitions
for carnal attractions

it’s a hustle
hustle
hustle
adrenaline
flow
it’s a hustle
transact
shun
then
you go
and
there ya go

use use use me
like an addict
pop that vein
abuse abuse abuse me
rush rush
rush right on thru me
hustle
speed on
like you
cruised me

who is the patron
and who is the cracked out whore
who has feelings
who just wants to fuck some more

fingerprints
leave tracks
on unclean skin
like unmarked
bills
i am here countin
no one
need know
the hustle
and the go
sometimes
we just
need to get fucked
or have a good blow

five stars
in the night
behind the hotel door
on hands and knees
pummeled
like a hi class whore
the pay
the coup
is the touch
and the go
i jus
needed to
cum
and you
make it
so
so
so
fuckin dark
yea, it’s fuckin dark
i am
the blood
and you
are
my hungry shark

hustle
hustle
i need
my adrenaline
flow
fuck
fuck
fuck
let’s cum
and then
lemme go
this
transaction
is approved
and
you got some credit
you got
me
you got
my body
so don’t think
just bed it

hustle, hustler.